What the hell is that feeling? Uncertainty you say?
I have had this niggling, anxious feeling following me around like a phantom…clinging to me like a tricky trickster shadow springing out at me when I least expect it…making me feel an unease that won’t let me settle or truly chill and enjoy each day.
Have you ever felt like this? Jesus - frankly it sucks!
Well today on my long spring walk with Lucy, I finally identified the wee asshole that has been making me feel so edgy - UNCERTAINTY!
That took me totally by surprise as I have been making lists of all the things that could be making me feel this deep phantom unease like:
starting up my new business
my mom turning 90 and living all alone in Calgary
some medical tests that I am awaiting results for
a dear friend passing away
my best friend suffering the deep loss of her husband
selling a property and not taking a loss
my daughter going on a road trip and driving 1000km for the first time
completing a course that has been on my to do list for 6 months
trying to find time to exercise regularly and go to yoga
missing my girlfriends and the connection you can only get from your women friends
starting up a new FB Community and building a newsletter and email list from scratch
on and on and on….
You get the idea.
We all have these looooonnnngggg lists of ‘things’ that are on our lists and hang around our necks much like a pirate ships anchor covered in seaweed and slithery deep sea creatures. The difference with this long list above and my phantomy feelings (and perhaps yours as well) is that uncertainty makes you feel a loss of control, an ambiguity, a threat and it diminishes our ability to focus on anything other than creating certainty.
Research shows that job uncertainty, for example, tends to take a more significant toll on our health than actually losing our job. I would agree with this and if you are in this boat you also most likely feel this way. Evolution might have rigged our brains to resist uncertainty - you know survival of the fittest and all that jazz - but really we can never truly know what the future will bring. #truth
So - what is one to do? I did some poking around and came up with a few strategies that I am going to try out on myself to cope with my deep feeling of UNCERTAINTY - I hope they may work for you as well:
Stop resisting & accept - in a strange twist of irony, resistance only prolongs our suffering amplifying our feelings, preventing us from growing, learning, recovering or feeling better. If we accept where we are at and meet life in this place we will be able to move forward. Acceptance allows us to see our reality in the present moment and allows us to be in the moment with freedom. The key is to surrender to the issue with our emotions fully engaged. Acceptance will not fix the situation but it will allow us to acknowledge our feelings to move forward and give us space to figure out how to address the problem. Remember - you are not resigning your fate - you are merely accepting what is happening in this moment. This can be challenging for some so allow yourself grace and patience.
Self-Care - investing in yourself, health, well-being, mind and spirit should be your focus right now. You are your most valuable resource so make sure you are filled up and not depleted. Self-care for personal growth will be your foundation to moving forward.
Healthy growth mindset - when you are feeling uncertain DO NOT believe everything your monkey brain is whispering to you. A negativity-bias will set you up for failure and sometimes you may not even realize you are stuck in a dark loop of stories you are telling yourself. We have all been there and it takes strength to recognize when you are in a negative mindset and reverse gears to get out of it as fast as possible! When we except the worse we become close-minded - so start paying attention to what is going on in your brain and begin responding with grit and creative positivity!
Mindfulness - standing still and being present if a gift of peace and clarity for your mind and body. If you do not have a mindfulness routine consider starting - deep belly breathing is a simple place to start - you can do this at any time during the day and you will be amazed at how quickly you feel more grounded and at peace. All that shitty external noise can be kept at bay if you can learn to check in with yourself, centre yourself and reconnect with your inner truth. It is there you just need to learn to connect with it.
Stop complaining and take action - no one is going to rescue you from your uncertain situation - you are the only one who can truly turn things around so stop your complaining (even if it is only in your mind) and get on with it. These angry, helpless feelings will only make you feel trapped in a dark narrative that you ultimately created - so stop complaining and rescue yourself. You cannot alter a future that has not happened yet so stop fixating on it and take responsibility for what is going on. Drop your fixation on the problem and focus on the outcome you want. You have the real power to create a kick ass life that you deserve!
Uncertainty is a natural and unavoidable part of life. Worrying can make it seem like you have some control over uncertain circumstances and you may believe that it will help you find a solution to your problems or prepare you for the worst…but I would argue that it just robs you of enjoyment in the present, saps your energy, and keeps you up at night.
So take action over the things you can control, address your lovely emotions, stop micromanaging people and procrastinating, begin accepting the uncertainty and allow yourself to go through the feelings, focus on the present, manage your stress and anxiety and chill the F out.
I don’t mean to be glib but I am also saying all of this for myself - I need to chill the F out conquer my feeling of uncertainty. It is using up all my battery power and I am tired of being on EMPTY!
“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
– Tony Schwartz