Trust is Something You Build Inside Yourself First!
Rebel Mindset
“Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for.”
—Captain Jack Sparrow
Trust
What comes to mind when you think of trust and how it may apply to your gorgeous mindset?
For whatever reason my mind drifts to Kaa, the trickster Python from The Jungle Book, who tries to lull Mowgli to sleep for nefarious purposes. I feel it is this kind of ‘false trust’ that we need to be tuned into when we work on trust for self and others…
Trust can be a pretty scary word for many (I know it was for Mowgli) as it usually has to do with others and not yourself
Many of us think that trusting other people like our partners, children, friends, family, coworkers, etc. is what trust is all about but actually it is the other way around - trust is something you need to build with yourself FIRST!
Let’s look at what not trusting yourself looks like and see if this sounds familiar:
You second-guess every decision you make
You don’t trust your own judgment
You can only make a decision if others around you agree
You have low self-esteem and lack confidence
You always look to other people for the answers
You believe everyone else has the answers, but you don’t
You put yourself down
You don’t have clear boundaries to protect yourself
You never or rarely take the time to look inward
You feel uncomfortable spending time alone
You’d rather stay busy than be with your own feelings
Trusting yourself is the cornerstone of building self-confidence and embracing the fullness of who you are - the following are a few ways you can begin to build self-trust:
Tell yourself that you are enough & start believing it - try this mantra “I am enough exactly as I am”. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself today, and the first step to take in order to start trusting yourself. Start believing this inside and out because that’s taking back your personal power! You don’t need permission or approval to believe that you are enough. You are the only YOU you have, and you can choose any time to begin accepting and loving who you are. It’s all up to you!
Work with your feelings and not against them - what you “know” doesn’t change what you feel. Denying your feelings won’t make them go away - so if you feel one way but are constantly denying that, you’re not telling yourself the truth, are you? So how can you trust yourself? Acknowledge your feelings—the good, the bad, and the ugly—in order to build self-trust. Once you acknowledge them, you can slowly begin to work through your feelings to discover what’s at the heart of them, and, in turn, learn how to shift them in the direction of compassion, empowerment—and trust!
Compassionately tell yourself the truth - trust is a two-way street—and in order to trust yourself, you need to tell the truth. Be honest with yourself. Do this with self-compassion, but be honest. Instead of slipping into negative self-talk, which is completely unwelcome - come at it from a place of compassion. Be accountable to yourself and your honesty to help you dig deep into what's going on. Honesty is what will help you understand your needs, wants, and desires!
Set boundaries on what you need - I know I talk allot about boundaries and there is a critical reason for this - you need to care and protect yourself in order to build trust, and you do this by setting clear boundaries that keep you from physical, mental, and emotional harm. Clear boundaries helps you build and maintain your own identity - so, what are your boundaries? I always recommend falling back on your own personal needs. What do you need to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled? Each person's own needs are different and may include: community, financial stability, spirituality, belonging, space, respect, freedom, creativity, harmony, love, solitude or fairness, for example. Having clear boundaries will help you navigate your relationships with other people, as well as the one you have with yourself, building self-trust and love. Developing boundaries and determining the consequences of having your boundaries crossed is trusting yourself to have your own back. You don’t need anyone to come to your rescue because you can trust YOU to be there for yourself. No one puts Baby in the corner!
Be alone with yourself - do you enjoy time by yourself, or do you hide and run away from it, filling every moment with a task or distraction so that you won’t be left alone with your thoughts? I for one love love love being alone and crave it. But most people I know do not like being alone. Self-trust is also working through self-doubt which means that be spending time alone with your thoughts you learn to communicate with yourself in a powerful way. Do you like being alone or run far far away from it? How can you start changing this?
Trusting yourself is something that builds over time, so speaking up for yourself today will help you trust yourself more tomorrow
Where are you on the trust scale - I would love to know! Who is your Kaa and how will you kick that ass to the curb, even if it is your own?