Radical Acceptance
Rebel Mindset
"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself” — Deborah Reber
When you think of acceptance - what comes to mind?
For me, I think it can mean different things depending on the circumstance and time - for example, accepting that I have a deadline for a presentation means that I buckle down and get the work done compared to accepting that my landlord has given me notice on my home of 12 years and I panic and do not accept this notice and fight back
According to Merriam-Webster, acceptance can be defined as ‘the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable; the act of accepting something or someone : the fact of being accepted’
And acceptance doesn't necessarily mean resignation - that the circumstance will go away, or that we feel better about it - It is more the idea of letting go of the need to control, judge, and wish things were different than they are
So what about radical acceptance - what the holy hell does this mean?
Well simply put - radical acceptance can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause - the root of this idea is that fighting against negative emotions leads to our suffering
So how can you work towards developing radical acceptance in your life? According to ‘Psychology Today’ here are a few tips:
Develop a keen awareness of your needs and what is important to you and then actively and consciously move towards asserting your thoughts and feelings, meeting your needs, and living in accordance with your values and worth
Create openness and space for all of your feelings and lean into the discomfort of painful and uncomfortable ones
Be willing to be in the present moment, even if it is painful or uncomfortable
Let go, and do not fighting against reality
Acknowledge your situation and the thoughts and feelings attached to them
Look at “just the facts” of the situation - sift out feelings
Take a nonjudgmental stance
Understand what you can and cannot control in life
Catch your “shoulds,” “ought tos,” and “musts” embedded in thoughts and feelings that counter acceptance, such as “It’s not fair”; “It shouldn’t be this way”; and “I wish it were different” - rather, have acceptance of things as they are
As you can see, radical acceptance requires practice
And practicing acceptance every day fortifies self-compassion and prepares you when life’s most difficult experiences occur
Sadly, pain is inevitable and resisting reality delays healing and adds suffering to our pain
Because life is so precarious, we never know what may come our way, but we can create habits and coping skills predicated on radical acceptance to compassionately heal
I hope you can start practicing radical acceptance and shift your focus from unproductive ruminating to thinking about what a better use of your time and energy might be - I have been working on this with my teen son who is trying my patience and each time I shift my mind away from “It shouldn’t be this way” I feel more compassion for myself and immediately start feeling better
I would love to know how you feel about this and what your experience with radical acceptance has been - hit reply and let me know!